There's a massive cloud of volcanic ash hanging over our country like an eagle out of Birdemic.
You don't know Birdemic? You must, you must.
But that's not what I was talking about at all.
All this no flying malarkey has produced some interesting effects, not least the awesomely empty skies. Let's have a look at the top 3 Ash-based Stories.
In at number 3 John Cleese took a taxi from Oslo to Brussels.
He was in Oslo, needed to get back to London, there were no flights, boats or trains. So he paid £3,300 for a taxi to Brussels so he could get the Eurostar back to London. He describes it as "interesting". Well, yeah, it would be, 5 countries, 1.5 thousand kilometers and 15 hours, presumably all with the special taxi radio station. Is that an international station do you think? Maybe it's secretly just a loop of tape installed in all the cabs. What's weirdest about this is that the taxi firm he used weren't that surprised. Apparently they've regularly been hopping across the border to Stockholm (check the map, that's Glasgow to London) and had been as far as Paris. So, 15 hour taxi rides, fairly exciting, no? How can we better it?
Thom Noble, a person, bought a girl-bike in order to get on the Ferry at Dunkirk. It was his wife's birthday, you see, and being in Zurich, he decided he'd quite like to get back for it. So, off he goes across Europe, like some sort of traveller. Gets to Dunkirk and this happens:
"Hello, I would like to board your ferry"
"I am sorry but there is no more room for people on my very nice ferry"
"It is very nice"
"I know, I made it myself"
"Really?"
"No"
"Good, I wouldn't like to get on it if you did"
"Well you can't anyway"
"Could I if I were a car"
"Yes, but you are not a car"
"Hmmm..."
So off he trots to the local Second Hand shop and buys a woman's bike for €29. And back to the ferry.
"Oh, you are now a cyclist, would you like to get on my very nice ferry?"
"Yes Please"
"But maybe you are not a cyclist... If you were a cyclist you would cycle up the ramp onto the ferry"
Apparently there were 5 or 6 of these grown men, forced to cycle up the ramp onto ferry, one of them on a little pink child's bike. And off the sail, back to Blighty, where of course they have to abandon their bikes to get on a bus. Let's hear it for arbitrary rules and Jobsworths resulting in the humiliation of grown men.... yeah...
And best of all,
DAN SNOW SAVES THE DAY
Dan Snow, Son of Peter-Snow-Superhero (I'll upload that picture one of these days), has been single handedly trying to save all the stranded Brits. He asked tweeple stuck in the queues for the Eurostar to bagsy places on his 5 RIBs, he was apparently going to go back and forth throughout the day at an hour each way including pickup/dropoff.
Here they come to save the day
It was a beautiful plan, orchestrated to all the letters in the alphabet. Except that he forgot the Ferries might be a bit miffed if he just came and stole people out of the queue to give them money. In the end, he managed to get 25 people back using 3 boats. Hmm, not that impressive Dan. Not quite the Dunkirk-scale mission he had in mind. While he did "save" more people than that second hand bike shop, still not that great.
As Dan Snow is such a failure, the people of Great Britain thought there was only one thing for it. SEND IN THE NAVY, seriously, look.
So, there we have it, awesome things can be hidden within mainstream news.
Some stories that deserve an honourable mention, Gary Lineker spent 24 hours in a mental roadtrip across Europe to get for Match of the Day and Whitney Houston had to take the Ferry.
That's enough for tonight, I don't think this post will take any more pictures.
Ooh, another thing, as far back as we can look, the eruption Eyjafjallajökull has been followed by the eruption of Katla, and when that exploded in 1755 Scotland got covered in stuff.
Sounds like fun...
>FACT OF THE DAY: They used to try to resurrect the drowned by blowing tobacco smoke up their arse.
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