Architecture... seriously

Houses.

A lot of houses that are built these days I find hateful. Following is a list of the ways the houses shouldn't look. I know. Gripping.

Right, that's a bad house, eeergh, just look at it. Yellow Bricks and Red Tiles and White PVC. Overhangs, skylights and fake brackets holding things up. It's such a clutter of fake features stuck on a box. It doesn't help that it's a really big house. Look, I get it, you have money, you buy a newbuild, you have cars to put in garages, we need no more clues. With less ostentatious colouring, this house could look alright. Except for that bay window affair... anyway, moving on.

I wonder if houses like this know how fake they look? Maybe they think they look dapper and suave. Well, I'm sorry Mr House, but you're just not. You've got bright orange Window Frames, yeah, but then you've got those RIDICULOUS lintels and sills. WHY? WHY? WHY? What's the point?  You will never look like a farmhouse, no matter how "weathered" you get.

   

Nope, that doesn't look the same. That doesn't look the same at all. Not one bit.

You can't give a newbuild "Character" by giving it nonsensical design. It's not cute or quirky, it just doesn't make any sense. If you want "Character", then by an old house that's had time to get it.

Firstly, get a sense of proportion, that just looks wrong on every level. Next we've got the Yellow Brick... Walls, stop it please. And a balcony. WHY HAVE A BALCONY? YOU LIVE IN A CARPARK. You can't just sit having breakfast in the non-existent morning sun while watching all the cars park. THAT'S SILLY. And the fake planes of glass. GAH. If I ever live here you have the right to burgle me.

But don't.

I'd be upset.